Interview Time - Mahnoor Shahbaz Khan

Please tell us about yourself.

Well, I googled myself this morning and here's what I found: No results found. Sad. I am not famous YET. Anyways, I am an ordinary person with extra ordinary ambitions. I day dream a lot and I like white colour. White is not a colour, it's a shade. I am a psychopath, trust me I am. I am the most crazy person I know but it's all right with me as long as no one discovers that, not my parents at least. I think my left eye is smaller than the right one. The day I was born, temperature was -11 C. I like to dance like a crackhead and make others feel uncomfortable (only at home). I started to speak clearly when I was eight months old. I have never hated anyone in my life, I don't know why but I just can't. And That's about it I guess. And Yes apart from all that, I am a social activist and I love to volunteer to work for bringing a positive change in society.

What made you choose what you are doing right now?

Right now, I am fixing my laptop's screen so I can see properly and fill this interview. Screen fixed. Vision's still blurry. I am dozing off I guess

Tell us more about your typical day

There is no such thing as typical day. Each day is different from the other. Nevertheless, I breathe, sleep, eat, drink, think and dream each and everyday of my life. But I once starved myself for 40 hours. Not very typical lol.

What do you do when you are not working?

According to science, work involves transfering of energy from one object to another, especially in order to make the second object move in a certain direction. Considering that, I don't really work AT ALL. However, when I am not working on any volunteering project (which is very rare), I end up watching comedy movies all day long or playing Candy Crush for several uninterrupted hours. I have no life. KILL ME.

Tell us the best part of your work

I love what i do, this is the best part. And I work as a volunteer, so I can always quit if I feel like doing so. But fortunately, thats never gonna happen. I'll never quit.

What do you think of the world's obsession with technology?

"We're changing the world with technology" they say. True. Very true. But see, what does it cost us? We are paying a huge price for that. Apparently, we are connected 24/7 to those who are far away and are least concerned about the people who are near to us. We take them for granted. Technology has exceeded our humanity, truly.

Who is your inspiration/role model?

No role model. I'll better be the first best version of myself rather than being the second best version of someone else. Allama Iqbal's poetry and Ashfaq ahmad's books inspires me a lot though.

If you could meet anyone in the world dead or alive who would it be and what would say to them?

My Dada and Dado, I'll tell them that I really miss them and I'd ask them if they are alright. They are no more, but I'd still feel like asking them this. dunno why!  and about the alive person, I'd love to meet the girl I see in the mirror everyday. She has a good heart. Fine. Call me self obsessed or anything, I don't care.

What is your favorite holiday spot/food/gadget?

Holiday spot: Interlaken, Switzerland. I have never been there. It's the best sky diving spot in the world and I'll go there someday In'sha'Allah. Food: Gol gappay, dal chawal, russian salad, fruit trifle. I love food. hahaha! Gadget: my laptop, my cellphone which I lost two months back and a MU space; mp3 player pillow. P.S I don't have a MU Space.

What is your next project?

Ao soch ki moch ko marham lgaaen, Youth activism summit 2 and starting my own social enterprise.

What is your message to all teenagers?

Your parents are right about the world. Trust them. Abhi bhi sudhar jao. You'll regret it later otherwise.

What is your message to all Pakistanis?

Meray pyaray hum watano! Ye mulk bht hi pyara hai, barri qurbaniyon se bna hai, smjhe? Hr wakt Pakistan mai keeray na nikala kro, ye zameen ka tukra hai, kisi ka kuch nhi bigara isne. Khraabi to is pr rehne walo mai hai yaani ap sb log. Sirf Pakistan Vs India kay match mai Pakistani na bna kro. Oye kuch aqal kro logo! bnday kay puttar bn jao sb kay sb! Pak sar zameen se pyar kro takay duniya tmse pyar kre. Yahi hmari pehanchaan hai.

What is your message to the world?
Hey y'all! This blog, "The Dog-Book" is super awesome. Make it a habit to read it everyday or else way I'll find you and kill you. Yes, all of you!

Raising the Royal Baby – My Advice to Kate

Dear Kate,

Hi, I hope you are in the best of health. Congratulations on your new baby boy! You must be thrilled! I am writing today because I felt I needed to give you some warning and some advice. You see, raising a baby is no piece of cake. Seems like it but it isn't. Kate, you're going to have to experience a complete lifestyle change. You won’t be able to drink like you used to, be irresponsible as before, go frolicking about London shopping with girlfriends like you used to. You feel me? You are a mom now. A Mom!

I am going to give you some valuable advice which I feel is my duty as a well-wisher of the royal baby and an admirer of William who by the way is getting balder day by day. What you doing to him, girl? I’ll come back to that later, right now, the advice. It is as follows.

Dear Kate, please make sure you put your baby's head on a flat pillow so he has a shapely head. At this fresh age, you see the baby’s body is very impressionable. If you put it on a Mickey Mouse stamp, the cartoon will be engraved on your baby forever! So flat pillow. Make notes as I speak.

Number two. Please do not use the regular pampers on your baby because they leave rashes. Ask the royal tailor to stitch you some nappies out of cotton, maybe. I hear they are very comfortable and easy to wash and it wont be a drain on your fortune as pampers can be very expensive to buy.

You will need to baby proof the Palace which I am sure you haven’t done. You and William need to start partying less and tend to these important matters, lady. Baby proofing: remove all sharp objects and well Google more stuff like that and do all the things mentioned. We don’t want to be hearing stuff like “The Royal Baby fell off climbing the stairs, his leg is broken; he may recover but sport a limp for the rest of his life and never be able to run as fast as his peers.”

Feed him healthy stuff. Don’t go for artificial formulas, I hear they are the reason why children grow up to be junk food addicts. You see, their system starts preferring all things fake. I have no scientific proof to support what I am saying but the old aunties here in Pakistan say weird stuff like that and sometimes it is correct. It is the Royal baby, I’m sure you’d want to take the least risks, right? So consider all that you hear from no matter what source, yeah?

As your baby boy starts growing, Kate he's gonna want a laptop an iPhone 8 and stuff like that. Don't buy him those things at age five. Please. He'll have a lifetime for those. No one needs another spoilt kid on the internet updating social media status about his poop timetable. No thank you very much.

Once the Royal boy enters his teens, he's gonna start thinking and probably become a little rebellious. Give him his space, Kate. Give him lessons in smart ways. Do not lecture him to death. Teens hate lectures. Teach him tolerance and equality, teach him love and compassion by example, not by lectures.

Do not teach your baby that all Muslims and Pakistanis are terrorists because then you will be raising a very dumb child. We'll call him the "Royal Idiot!"

Wishing you the very best

Yours sincerely, 
Maham

Roti Pakanay Kay 16 Steps

1) Roti na pakao.
2) Tandoor pay ja k panch ropay ki lay ao.
3) School may achi tarah parho, job pay laggo, cook rakh lo, woh bana day ga.
4) Agar paanch ropay na hon, job bhi na ho tou fridge may say ata nikalo.
5) Aik gol anda banao, geelay atay ka.
6) Sookhay atay may daalo.
7) Tawa on karo.
8) Chakla belan uthao. Atay ka anda us pay rakho.
9) Belo.
10) Flat karo.
11) Tawa jo pehlay say on tha aur ab garam ho chuka hai us pay apni flat aur Africa kay nakshay jesi roti daalo
12) Pyaas lag rahi hai to paani peenay jao.
13) Rastay may TV dekhnay k liay ruk jana.
14) Boo aa rahi hai?
15) Roti sarr gayi hai.
16) Dobara pakao. 

Interview Time - Ksenia Anske

Please tell us about yourself.

Well, let’s see, here is my official bio: “Ksenia was born in Moscow, Russia, and came to US in 1998 not knowing English, having studied architecture and not dreaming that one day she'd be writing. SIREN SUICIDES, an urban fantasy set in Seattle, is her 1st novel. She lives in Seattle with her boyfriend and their combined 4 kids in a house on top of the hill that they like to call The Loony Bin.”

What made you choose what you are doing right now?

Writing? I started writing for therapy, to understand why I was suicidal at the age of 16, why I ran away from home, digging back into the pain of my adolescence, ready to face it at last in my 30’s. I had a very dark and abusive childhood in the Soviet Union and have suppressed most of it to survive, which I had to do, becoming a mother at 18. I had to function and have shoved it all in the back of my mind. Now that my daughter has gone to college and my son is finishing elementary school, I finally found the time to look at my past and to do something that I always wanted to do – to heal from my pain. I have been sexually abused by my father and step-grandfather. My step-grandfather is long dead, but I have confronted my father, who denounced me, and I wanted to kill myself at 33 again. Writing literally gave me a new will to live and share my stories. Writing is my life now.

Tell us more about your typical day.

I’m a social media fiend, so I wake up in the morning thinking about the first tweet I will post and what it will be about. I don’t eat breakfast, only a cup of black coffee, and start off my day by tweeting, snapping pics of myself or of some berries or bug or whatever else interesting I find and posting them on Instagram, and then ultimately posting an update of what I will be writing this day across all of my social media channels, close the door into my room and don’t come out of it until I either have written for 4 hours or have written at least 2,000 words. When I take breaks, I pedal on my stationary bike, stand on my head (to get the blood flowing), or play Words with Friends, and get back to writing again. Then, when it’s school time, I go to pick up my son from school and read on the bus on the way . We read together on our way back. Evening is the usual, you know, family, dinner, stuff. Then in the evenings I write my blog posts or tweet again, or write interviews, like this one I am writing right now. Here is more about my daily schedule: http://www.kseniaanske.com/blog/2012/12/19/let-your-novel-thrive-in-schedule-numbers-and-routine.html

What do you do when you are not working?

Err… I’m always working, I’m a writer, even when I’m not in front of my computer, I write stories in my head! Though, of course, to be specific, I read. I read a lot. Sometimes I watch movies based on the books I read, after I have read them, like I did a whole Harry Potter marathon recently, rereading the books and re-watching all the movies. I also go on motorcycle rides with my boyfriend into the Pacific Northwest mountains, taking pictures with my phone on every stop and blasting them on all my social media channels, again. What else? I also have been walking to a post office an awful lot lately, because I’ve been shipping signed copies of my books and t-shirts with my tweets on them!

Tell us the best part of your work.

I get to come up with the craziest stories ever, putting in a spin of unimaginable ferocity and wonder, like when I was 5, coming up with the most ridiculous scenarios, and people pay me for it! I mean, people pay me to partake in my imagination! If this is not a dream job, I don’t know what is.

Where do you see yourself and your work in 3/5 years?

Same place, at my desk, writing books, because it’s what I love doing. Though I hope by then maybe I will be able to actually travel too, and see my fans across the globe! Currently, I’m totally broke as I quit my career to write and am burning through savings. I hope in 3/5 years I will still be able to afford to write full time!

What do you think of the world's obsession with technology?

It’s not an obsession; it’s a way for us to connect. We developed in close-knit communities of hunters/gatherers, huge “families”, if you will, of about 100-150 people. At least that’s how it was about 10,000 years ago, before we settled, because there were so many of us and moving around became harder and harder. Since then we have been slowly losing our connection with each other, especially once we deposited our behinds in cars and have completely isolated ourselves from one another. With technology we can connect again, through messages, pictures, videos, you name it. Of course were obsessed, we are social animals, we thrive on togetherness. Alone, we wither and die.

Who is your inspiration/role model?

My idols are Stephen King and J.K. Rowling, both for their personal stories of how they came to write such amazing books, and for their books, which I love.

If you could meet anyone in the world dead or alive who would it be and what would say to them?

J.K. Rowling. I would ask her when she stopped doubting herself, when did she start believing she can do it, on what book number. It’s my biggest struggle as a writer, to believe in myself.

What is your favorite holiday spot/food/gadget?

Lisbon, Portugal, and their tiny fish restaurants and coffee shops. The have the best espresso that I have tasted, so I would fly back for that alone.

What is your next project?

After I’m done writing ROSEHEAD, the book about a teenage girl who discovers with the help of her talking pet whippet that her grandfather feeds something else besides normal plant meal to his rose garden, I will be writing IRKADURA, a literary novel set in Moscow, Soviet Union in the 80’s, delving deep in the dark underground of the city and exposing the life that a teenager led back then in the country that was boasting of equality and achievement on the outside but was rotting on the inside.

What is your message to all teenagers?

Do what you want to do with your life, no matter what anyone tells you. Its your life and it’s up to you how you will live it. Follow your heart, the rest will happen, if you stay true to yourself and to what you believe in. Do art. Do a lot of art to express yourself. We need more beauty in this world.

What is your message to all Pakistanis?

I would love to come and visit one day! Never been, and sadly have no funds to travel right now.

What is your message to the world?

I love you. I love you all, people.

Interview Time - Tanzila Khan

Tanzila Khan, the lady on the wheelchair, the lady on the stage, the lady in the hearts. Tanzila is not only a student but a trainer, author, speaker and social activist who has already published two novels. She likes to make fun of the word "impossible" and travels the world. It was an absolute delight to interview her!

Please tell us about yourself.

I am Tanzila, it means Sent by Allah. I am a student of International Development and along with that actively participate in life through various mediums such as writing, speaking and singing (just in the bathroom).

What made you choose what you are doing right now?

Im eating grapes. Two reasons. No 1, they were just there and no 2, They were just too many. Similarly I chose to do stuff that I do in my life for the same reason. They are existing opportunities and and just too much space to grow and develop.

Tell us more about your typical day.

I wake up at 8 am. (I retired from Burger-ism a few years ago). I have breakfast of coco pops and cheese omelette and then take my online classes. Rest of the day passes through reading books, conduction research and just having fun. I sleep around 11 pm.

What do you do when you are not working?

Stare at the wall. A nice coat of white paint it is.

Tell us the best part of your work

Its very challenging. Challenging to convince yourself to do something and then challenging to stop yourself when you go on on the verge of killing yourself, totally absorbed in the masti...

Where do you see yourself and your work in 3/5 years?

In-front of the mirror, wearing makeup from the same kit I have kept for the past 11 years, the one my mother got in 'Jehez'. Nothing is changing sir! But I hope my weight does.

What do you think of the world's obsession with technology?

I dont blame them. I mean what to talk about a person who has had daal roti all his life suddenly been given a never ending supply of Fat burgers? Look where has the world comes from? Talk about Homo eructus then homo sapiens with me then all these centuries of khuari. Thori technology obsession toh banti hai yar.

Who is your inspiration/role model?

Someone I saw this morning when I was brushing my teeth. Ah! Cant recall the name.

If you could meet anyone in the world dead or alive who would it be and what would say to them?

Id like to meet Jinnah. I think Ill just take a walk with them, talk about my projects, take a few clips and post it on Facebook to showoff.

What is your favorite holiday spot/food/gadget?

Bangalore, India/Chocolate souffle/shaker (Kitchen utensil)

What is your next project?

A theater festival and Youth Activism Summit 2 :)

What is your message to all Pakistanis?

Malala is innocent. She is as innocent as the day you missed your school bus and were made to stand outside your class for the rest of the day. So please stop giving out comments based on some limited information. Get a life!

What message do you want to give to the world?
Come to Pakistan. No matter how terrorist we get. I know you cant resist our Chicken Tikkas.

Interview Time - Rida Jameel

The extremely gorgeous Rida Jameel was kind enough to take the time out of her busy schedule and answer our questions. Rida is a Marketing student, loves cooking and shopping and she's great fun to hang around with. She has the most contagious laugh, the prettiest smile and medium sized goals for her future. She believes in living in the present. For a peek into that mind, read below!

Please tell us about yourself.
I’m not perfect.    

What made you choose what you are doing right now?

Samaaaaj! *Star plus lightening music plays* Kidding kidding kidding. Probably my inclinations towards easy/fun stuff. I don’t wanna make my life too hard for myself, when life itself will, no matter what. Heh heh heh.

Tell us more about your typical day

Sleep. Wake up. Eat. Movies/Seasons. Eat. Laptop stuff. Eat. Sleep.
Obviously includes thinking, texting, FB etc etc. TYPICAL day like any others’. :P

What do you do when you are not working?

I don’t work.

Tell us the best part of your work

-

Where do you see yourself and your work in 3/5 years?

Aaah, this question scared me. A very predictable answer that’d suit any Pakistani girl, MARRIED. (How that scares the freakin’ daylights out of me).

What do you think of the world's obsession with technology?

We’d be no where without technology. GO technology! *thumbs up*

Who is your inspiration/role model?

I have always wanted to work for the women who’re miserable and face all kinds of cruelty daily, and for the poor/needy/illiterate children. Bilquees Edhi and Musarrat Misbah inspire me the most. I hope I’m able to do such a great deed like them.

What is your favorite holiday spot/food/gadget?

Favourite holiday spot: My room.
Food: OOOO that’s a difficult question. Biryani, yeah!
Gadget: My laptop.

If you could meet anyone in the world dead or alive who would it be and what would you say to them?
Abbu. My maternal grandfather.
I'd want to show and give him back the love he pampered me with. I couldn't return him his favours when he was alive. Life is too short and unpredictable.

What is your next project?
Kill Altaf Hussain. (no offence intended to any MQM “jiyaala”.) >:D

What is your message to all Pakistanis?

1)      Learn to respect others’ opinions. TOLERATE! 

2)      Don’t judge. You’re wasting your time.

What message do you want to give to the world?

We’re not that bad of a country. Kabhi aao na khushboo laga k. ;) 

My Twitter Love

Here are some tweets from my favorite account on Twitter.

Ksenia Anske

1. “Here’s to books, the cheapest vacation you can buy.” ― Charlaine Harris
2. A writer's heart is always open, like an open book.
3. *is shamelessly lollygagging*
4. Writing is my anchor. Without it I feel like a broken boat lost at sea.
5. You are beautiful. You are special. You are YOU. Share yourself, write a story, we are dying to get to know you.
6. Write until you are no more, and then write some more.
7. Blankness is a beautiful state of mind for a writer. It means that a new fantastic story will hatch out of it tomorrow.
8. Lately I've been kicked off Mars by angry lizards and have been camping out on the Moon.
9. Reading lifts me out of mundane and infuses me with magic.
10. Did you know I once blogged about NAKED CLOWNS, POGO STICKS, AND LIGHTNING STORMS?
11. Final blog topics: genre jumping, minotaurs, dif. paths to publication, hero's journey, collab. writing, self-doubt, character names. VOTE!
12. I'll be writing a new blog post tonight, to publish tomorrow. Any particular topics you guys want me to cover? Anything? Anything? *listens*
13. I'm bleeding out my heart on paper, and then, when I'm empty, I soak in the hearts of those who did it before me.
14. You wait to start writing until you believe in yourself, but you won't believe in yourself until you start writing.
15. “Creativity is intelligence having fun.” ― Albert Einstein
16. If you don't dare to be a fool in writing, you'll never reach the wisdom that only foolish get to discover, stumbling upon it by accident.
17. There is a gorilla in my head, it's big, hairy, and scary, and it pounds on my skull every day, demanding literary codswallop to be written.
18. If you're not reading fiction, you really should be eaten by a pair of angry crocodiles.
19. Don't let fear stop you. Tuck it into a pocket and WRITE.
20. Ending a book is like sending off your child into adult life, bittersweet.

To experience the awesomeness first hand:

https://twitter.com/kseniaanske